this is my pain [this|them|then]
bloody mary

[ that one : go there ]
[ one more : lost soul ]
[ back then : in whole ]

[wednesday the 6th of march
1:09pm
]
i forgot about this thing.
5 junkies|shoot up

[wednesday the 13th of february
11:30pm
]
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck

everything's changing. everything's fucking different. i don't wanna, i don't wanna, i don't wanna, i don't wanna, i don't wanna.

i should just fucking shoot a couple grams.

goddamn.
it FUCKING HURTS.
1 junkie|shoot up

[wednesday the 13th of february
4:05pm
]
[ mood | numb ]
[ music | Velvet Acid Christ - Slut ]

i am a pissed off person who hates incompetence.

i got argued with. i hate being dragged into arguments, but i like being in arguments. i like being right.

don't assume you know who i am. you don't know me. none of you know me. people online, god, how can someone you type at once in a while know who you are? fucking people, my god. hell, i don't even know who i am. spider knows what i act like when i'm doped up 24-7, but he doesn't know who i am. johnny knows me better than anyone else, and he hardly knows me. yeah, he thinks he does, but he doesn't. it's nice to pretend we're buddy-buddy but i can't tell him things, for god's sake, he's my brother. it's fucking weird. i need a fucking friend, for christ's sake, i don't know a goddamn person in this town, except for his friends. i need my own goddamn friends. but fucking people online are all fake. every single goddamn person fakes something be it that they're a 68 year old wanker pretending to be a 13-year-old lesbian, or that they just make little lies about what they're listening to. none of it is genuine.

this fucking SUCKS.

3 junkies|shoot up

[sunday the 10th of february
3:33pm
]
[ mood | sadistic ]

i'm so cruel. i was thinking of ways to exploit my retard brother, not exploit as in use, but exploit as in abuse. so i got for him a tape of boys fucking. i went to his room and once again broke the lock (he'd tried to re-install it crudely). i gave him the tape, and he was like 'what's this?' and i told him it was 'his kind of thing'. he put it and immediately freaked out. he threatened to tell mum and daddy. i said 'do you really want them to know about this?' and he realised he was stupid.

anyway, i'm bored as hell so i'm off.

5 junkies|shoot up

[tuesday the 5th of february
2:18pm
]
[ mood | thirsty ]
[ music | Rammstein - Stripped Psilion ]

is thirsty a fucking mood?

johnny went fucking crazy. that in turn made me go fucking crazy. i went hunting for jimmy, so i could beat the shit out of him, and i figured, logically, that he would be in his room.

his door was locked. this was alarming, because he's usually to fucking retarded to lock his door. but, alas, it was one of those cheap-shit hook and loop thing locks. it was also very badly installed, as i think he did it himself, considering mum and daddy wouldn't let him get a lock for it before. anyway, the lock was cheap shit and i broke it. tore the fucking thing right out of the wood.

when i opened the door, i was horror-struck. jimmy sat, with his back to the door, on his bed, with no clothing on. as if this was not bad enough, he did not react quickly enough to the big sister barging in, and i made terrified note of the fact that he was jerking off.

i turned around, disgusted with the fact that this larvae was doing anything even vaguely sexual. i almost left, but thought better of it. "put some fucking shorts on, you bloody fool," i said.

when he had done this, i went over there and gave him a good, hard kick in the groin. i would have left it at that had i not seen what lay open on his bed.

a fucking queer porn mag. i was even more horrified, and proceeded to deliver a good ass-kicking to my little homo brother. little fucking shit.

anyway, johnny and i are going to smoke now.

just thought i'd let the world know that my little brother is a closet queer.

8 junkies|shoot up

[saturday the 2nd of february
1:12pm
]
[ mood | bitchy ]
[ music | pantera - fucking hostile ]

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then i got

<a href=http://www.mcsweetie.com/tests ><img src=http://www.mcsweetie.com/tests/button24.jpg border=0></a>

<center><img src="http://www.binaryprecaution.com/rozz.JPG" title="I don't leave home with my bullet proof vest!"><br \><br>Waste 5 minutes of your life with<br>the <a href="http://www.binaryprecaution.com/test.htm">QuasiGoth Dead Person Test!</a></center>


<a href=http://violeteyes.org/tests/fruit/fruittest.html target="_blank"><img src=http://violeteyes.org/tests/fruit/lemon.gif border="0" alt="i'm lemon flavoured!"></a>
2 junkies|shoot up

[saturday the 2nd of february
12:50pm
]
[ mood | gloomy ]
[ music | Skinny Puppy - Morpheus ]

fucking cocksuckers. i asked mum if it would be ok if spider came to stay with us for a while, and she asked daddy, and he freaked out. it's okay if my shitty brother gets as much ice cream as he can carry, but i'm not allowed to have the man i lived with for almost three years live with me for three fucking days. what does it matter if they hate him, they let me go live with him before. fucking hypocrites. all they ever do is work and fuck, so they'd never see him anyway. they're not even fucking home for days at a time. i would have him over when they're both out for a while, but jimmy would squeal. i fucking hate that kid. i should just move out and get a flat somewhere.

i had a dream that amy had moved her room to a place that doesn't exist in her house, and we were all up there, coloing ourselves with special pens. she had a really unnaturally tall bed, and was talking about how the place is scary. then her dad came up and told us it was time to go to wherever he was driving us to, i don't remember.

them i had been making some tea, and my mum kept fucking with the stove. instead of orangy-red, the hot things were green, and cold. she said that was the best way to make tea, and i was like "mum, you can't make tea with a block of ice" and i woke up.

i miss spider so much it's driving me mad. i didn't wake up until a half-hour ago. the clocks on this thing are all fucked up, too. it's not 1, it's 4. stupid shits.

anyway i'm going to go mutilate myself, because i am bored and angry.

shoot up

[friday the 1st of february
10:27pm
]
[ mood | bitchy ]
[ music | Rammstein - Du Hast ]

i was going to stay online and talk, but everyone sucks.

so i'm off to break my stupid little rule. i'll wake up johnny and ask if he wants to smoke something with me.

3 junkies|shoot up

[friday the 1st of february
9:14pm
]
[ mood | horny ]
[ music | NIN -- Heresy ]

oh my fucking christ my head hurts. i've been fucked up for a few days straight and decided not to do anything today. fucking stupid, but i'll stick to it. from when i woke up to when i go sleep.

and i'm BLOODY FUCKING HORNY. I NEED TO FUCK SOMEONE. I AM GOING TO KILL MYSELF IF I CANNOT HAVE SEX.

anyway. :) i'm desperate as hell. dying. fucking wasting away in my CHASTITY. i'm talking to johnny's friend, i hope he's at least a bit intresting because i'm not going to sleep for a while.

shoot up

[monday the 28th of january
7:43am
]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | Deftones - Bored ]

i'm going to bed.

stupid fucking snake. my brothers are morons.

shoot up

what world is this?
[ this is | recent shit ]
[ go | empty past ]